How Jail Is

I wasn't sure what I thought jail would be like. I sorta thought it would be old and dirty and the women would fight a lot and they might beat me up or rape me or something.

But it isn't like that. The jail is clean and new and the women sometimes argue among themselves sometimes coming close to blows but never getting there. I have come in contact with a couple who were downright mean and I wanted to hit cause of the mean things they said to me.

Still a lot of the women are OK to me, usually nice. I don't usually eat everything on my trays (meals) & I make friends by giving things away.

Today for whatever reason they kept us locked down (in our cells) for most of the day. It’s been this way all week. I sit and read. I can read a book & some more every day which is bad cause they only let us go to the library once a week & you can only get 4 books at a time. I reread them after I finish them. My dreaded fear is that I will not have anything to read & be stuck with my own faults for days on end. I spend enough time thinking about how bad I have screwed up my life. It makes me think about killing myself even more.